Death By A Thousand Cuts

Have you ever heard the phrase death by a thousand cuts? It happens in marriages when a spouse feels wrong by the other.  Usually, a historical, emotional hurt or offense is unaddressed. The minor decisions and love bids to reunite, at every turn, are resisted. What happens over time is that both spouses hold a tab against each other and make each other pay in hurtful ways. Until the spouse(s) work on the issue and cease avoiding the issue at hand, inevitably, someone will suffer death by a thousand cuts. The sad part is that the thing that can fix the problem is getting to the root of the pain and understanding why the relationship has distance.  On the side of the spouse, unaware of why they are in a windstorm of razor blades, feels hopeless. Whenever the “offending” spouse begins to Stonewall or avoid it is due to many unsuccessful attempts at coming back together in peace. Taking personal responsibility and being fiercely radical with forgiveness will be foundational and pivotal if you want to heal.  Avoiding the moments of transparency will prevent intimacy at the heart of your marriage. When you have unforgiveness in your marriage, it will foster the seed of division.

When your house is divided, there isn’t any area where you have an agreement. Amos 3:3 says: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? I love the past tense use of agree in the King James Version.  It’s a pre-established concept and position we-have, so-we-will type of mindset. Not having an established agreement is why both spouses will experience rejections, put-downs, corrections, and criticism from the other. You have lost access to your spouse as a safe space to share, learn, and grow what you are experiencing and learning about each other. This state of the marriage has killed curiosity and wonder.  Please don’t allow the enemy of your marriage to use you to take it down.  Stand up for your marriage by laying down your weapons of defense that protect you and injure your spouse.  

Lord, help me to find my calm and see my spouse clearly as the person I fell in love with. I trust that we have the ability to stop the madness of the merry-go-round, regroup for healing, and begin the work of truth in love, grace to forgive, and vulnerability of heart. I want my marriage to work and grow stronger in you. Give us the strength to fight for the marriage, not in the marriage.  I pray Ephesians 5:29-33 Message, I partner with your word on my marriage being looked after and given the honor it deserves. I will not abuse or take my spouse for granted. 

I promise to show care and sympathy in every way I can.  

Show us how to keep our marriage union private and protected. May we cherish one another and deepen our respect and love. 

Show us how to be one, in agreement, and forever stronger together. In Jesus’ name, amen.